Treatment Behind Bars.

For many of us our drinking and drugging began when we were young and then progressed to being grown up and moving into the bars.
Mine was not much different except my professional bar career ended up with receiving my treatment behind bars…
In my final stages as I was heading towards my bottom I began going to jail. In my 25+ yrs of using I managed to not get into any real trouble with the law until the last 3 when I once again hit the streets in search of death and destruction.
It took six trips in three years to get me into recovery.
It took Drug Court to save my life.
In the end I was dirty and living on the streets,under a bridge in fact, doing every immoral and degrading thing I could to kill myself or have someone do it for me.
Two out of 6 trips were In-Custody Treatment programs. My Judge first put me in for 30 day’s and when I got out It was off to the races. It was not enough, I was not ready to live, I still just wanted to die. I had lost everything and everyone I had ever tried to love.
I was sick.
My Judge being the wise woman she is gave me the next level when I was picked up again.
(each time I was caught I caught a new possession charge)
I look back now and I am lucky she did not kick me out of drug court. I actually ended up on Drug Court Probation because I had broken all the rules of the traditional program.
She loved me when I could not love myself.
The next level was the 90 day program.
They had councilors that worked with us daily and they worked us hard.
It was the first time in my life I went that long with no substances or outside influences.
The drug dreams were really bad at first, I would wake up sweating and shaking. Nightmares ruled my nights and tears ruled my day’s.
After the first 30 days this subsided a bit and my mind began to clear.
I started to actually hear what was being said to me and to understand the reading I was doing.
The speakers that came in made sense. The stories they told were much like mine.
Things were coming together in my brain and my brain was telling me I was tired.
Sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I never had spent that much time with myself or on myself and it was so new to me.
I got a letter one day from my mother…I did not even know she was looking for me.
I cried more. She has then 27 yrs in AA and now for the first time in my life we had something to share. I wanted what she had and this time it was not money or a place to stay.
This time I wanted her serenity, her peace of mind.
For the first time I was not just passing time until I died.
This time I wanted to live.
And now today this is what I do…I live…Each day..One day at a time.
Today I give back to the community I took so much from.
Today I take care of my children and their issues from our wreckage of a past.
Today I take care of myself.
Today I thank my Treatment behind bars for saving my life.

Simply_Sandra